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  Copyright 2014 S.M Phillips. All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means such as electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without the prior written permission of the author of this book. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorised, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

  NAN

  Thanks for teaching me to stick to my goals instead of floating around like a piece of paper.

  ESCAPE DOWN UNDER

  ~ Book One ~

  S.M PHILLIPS

  TWO MONTHS EARLIER

  "Someone's looking hot, hot, hot. Who's the lucky guy?" I say as Amelia sits her perfect backside down on to the chair facing me, carrying two cups of coffee in her hands. It's hard not to feel envious and turn into a weeping mess whenever she is in the same room as me, she's bloody gorgeous. At 5ft 8, long flowing brown locks framing that ridiculously perfect heart shaped face. Don't even get me started on those piercing emerald green eyes that search into the depths of your soul. It's enough to make anyone feel self-conscious. The most annoying thing is that she's the sweetest girl you could ever wish to have the pleasure of working with and would gladly do anything to help anyone. What an absolute cow. Perfect and nice. I'd love to hate her, really I would but I just can't. Trust me I have tried on more than one occasion. I notice as I look at her more closely, that there is a sparkle in her eyes that I haven't noticed for some time. Yep, she definitely has a new man in her life.

  "No guy." She says as those perfectly threaded brows knit closely together as she contemplates what's going through her mind and debating whether or not she should divulge what she's thinking. "Well, maybe. Oh I don't know Jess. One minute he can't get enough of me and the next he's running for the hills. I don't know whether I'm coming or going. What the hell am I supposed to do?"

  "I'm definitely no expert when it comes to relationship advice doll. I suppose the question you have to ask yourself really is, is he worth it? Are you prepared to hold it out and see where it goes? Is he worth fighting for? The endless amounts of emotional exhaustion?" He must be bloody mad or crazy or both. How the hell can this guy not know what he wants when it comes to Amelia? She's the perfect description of every man’s dream.

  "I think he is. I mean, when we're together it's perfect. Absolutely, amazingly perfect. It's when we spend time apart that the problems start. It's as if the minute he's alone, he doubts what we could have and I don't know why. I've wracked my brains numerous times trying to figure it out. It's driving me insane."

  "I'm guessing you're planning on seeing him later then?" I eye her outfit wishing wholeheartedly that it was mine; however I highly doubt that my curvaceous arse would fit into the tightness of those leather leggings. Hey, a girl can dream though. "Looking like that, I'm sure he won't be doubting you for long. If he does then he's a bigger tosser than most of the blokes out there and that, my love, is saying something."

  A laugh escapes her even though I can still tell it's playing deep on her mind. She runs her fingers idly around the rim of her cup before breaking out of the trance she has fell into.

  "Yeah, I hope so. I can feel myself really falling for him though Jess. I can't think about him without getting butterflies but at the same time I'm anxious about how serious he wants us to be. He can be so caring, and yet at the same time all he does is hold back from me. I don't think I'm prepared to be his hot piece of arse trophy girlfriend or to be used only when he wants me and just disregard me the rest of the time, you know?"

  "Tell me to mind my own business, but just out of curiosity, how long have you guys been seeing each other?"

  "Not long really. We met a few months back on a night out and it kind of just went from there. We really hit it off, it's like we were supposed to meet that night. But now I feel like I'm on a constant merry-go-round. God. I shouldn't be palming all of this onto you, I'm sorry."

  "Hey, don't apologise doll. Sometimes it does you the world of good to vent and I'm an excellent listener as you well know." I say with a smile. "Go show him what he's gonna be missing if he doesn't buck his ideas up. Make sure you give him a night to remember." I say, throwing in a wink so she gets my meaning. Poor love. She could have any guy in the world, yet she's chasing after some lowlife who obviously doesn't deserve her.

  "Thanks Jess, I really appreciate it. Promise to let me know if I get too much?" She asks.

  "You can bet your arse on it, sweetie. My office holds a zero tolerance for bullshit and moaning bitches." We both laugh and I'm glad that I have managed to cheer her up somewhat. I've got a feeling it won't be for long though.

  "Well, that's me done until Monday." I say as I lean against the doorframe to Mal's office. "Is there anything else that you need me to do before I head off?" Please say no. Dear god please say no, I silently pray to myself. Normally I wouldn't mind running any last minute errands but today has lasted far longer than it should have and all I want to do is get home and make a start on dinner.

  Today marks mine and Josh's eight year anniversary and I want to make it special, really special. More special than the previous years we have celebrated. We both work really hard. Much harder than usual recently and unfortunately that comes at a cost. A cost, that if we're not careful, it will end up costing us our relationship, or what's left of it anyway. We haven't spent any time together properly for months and it's starting to show. We don't even go to bed together anymore and the sex... Remind me what that is again! So tonight, I plan to make the effort to spend some quality time with my fiancé. As much as it pulls at my heartstrings, the fact still remains true that we have sadly started to grow apart and if one of us doesn't do anything about it soon, then all that will be left are memories and a whole bunch of what ifs.

  "No flower, you get off. Go and enjoy your weekend. Be sure to give my regards to Josh too."

  "Will do" I say on a rush, desperate to get out of this office. "Give my love to Daisy too. Let her know I haven't forgotten about dinner, I just need to arrange a time that's convenient for both of us. See you Monday." I say before I leave the office into the welcome sunshine.

  I'm thankful every day that I have Mal in my life, not to mention that he's my boss. No matter what I need he always delivers. Nothing is ever too much for him. His team at Stanton's are more than a team, they're family and that's what makes it work. That's what keeps the company whole and alive. It's a shame that most real families don't operate in the same way. Growing up I never really had that strong family bond. It took me quite some time to get used to it within the office, but in time I learnt that other people can make you feel worthy and appreciate what you bring to their lives on a daily basis. I'm bloody lucky if my mum even remembers that I still exist. Since my dad walked out of our lives when I was ten, she's never been the same since. It's as if the moment he left, my mother’s emotional ability went right out of that door with him. I've learnt to deal with it over the years, but in truth it still hurts to know that we have never had that true mother, daughter bond and that's not for lack of trying on my part. I'm just seen as the unwanted child that got in the way, but I guess that’s life and sometimes you have no choice but to try and get past it.

  I quickly type out a message to Josh to let him know that I'll be home soon and to make sure he leaves work on time. He should know by now how mu
ch I want tonight to work. I've been bloody harping on about it for weeks. He knows the drill. No phones, no outsiders, nothing but the two of us spending some much needed quality time together. I'd be lying if I said that tonight didn't feel like it’s going to be the making or breaking of us. All the cards need to be laid out on the table and we need to ask ourselves open and honestly, do we still want the same things or have we completely grown apart? Maybe I've been dwelling on it for too long and I'm beginning to get paranoid and thinking too much into things. What I do know is something is off; I'm just not sure what it is exactly. I suppose only time will tell.

  I get straight to work on cooking a lovely meal for the two of us. Candles are placed all around the kitchen and soft mellow music is flowing softly in the background. It looks perfect. Everything seems to be going as planned and I couldn't be happier. All that is left to do now is wait.

  ... So I wait, and wait, and wait that little bit more. Finally after what feels like forever, I hear the keys click into the lock on the door.

  "Sorry I'm late. I got held up and I couldn't get out of it. Please don't be mad." He says as he takes in my expression. His speech is slurred and his eyes have a misty glaze with a hint of red. Don't be mad, don't be fucking mad. It’s gone midnight and I have been sat at this table waiting for him to come home since six o'clock. A measly text or phone call would have been nice. It's not too much to ask for but instead I was greeted by his voicemail all night as his phone just kept ringing off. Not to mention that I spent the whole god damn evening busting my arse off to create the perfect anniversary meal. Livid wouldn't even come close to how I am feeling right now. Standing up from the dinner table I point at his now dried up, stone cold meal.

  "Don't be fucking mad?" I yell across to him. "Are you out of your goddamn mind? You knew how important tonight was to me, to us, but once again you let me down and put yourself first as per fucking usual Josh. You're nothing but an inconsiderate, selfish bastard." The venomous insults come sliding out of my mouth before I can stop them, and to be honest, the mood that I am in, I don't think I want them to.

  "Jess..." I can smell the alcohol coming off him as if he has bathed in the stuff. I feel like I have been slapped in the face.

  "So you got stuck at work?" I interrupt him as he tries to speak. "Remind me Josh, when the fuck did you start to work in a bar or is that something else that I seem to have missed? What is this Josh?" I wave my hand between us. "What's the fucking point in us being together? You obviously don't give a shit."

  "Are you being for real?" He shouts. "I don't need this shit Jess. Give it a fucking rest will you. Nothing is ever right with you; nothing is ever good enough is it? All you do is moan that things aren’t how you want them to be and you fucking wonder why I am never around anymore?" He continues to shout as he makes his way to the living area. I'm stunned speechless. No wonder he's never around anymore? Is he being serious? Shit. I've done nothing but put him first for the past eight years. How can he make out that I'm the one in the wrong when he has completely disregarded our anniversary as if it means nothing? As if our whole relationship has meant nothing whatsoever to him. What a fucking arse hole. Happy pissing anniversary to me.

  I'm still in the kitchen, mulling over what has just taken place and still accompanied by my rage which doesn't look like it’s about to disappear any time soon, when I hear Josh's phone going off in the other room. It just rings and rings. Normally he'd pick it up as soon as it came to life, but not tonight. As I enter the room I can see why. Josh is completely flat out asleep on the couch. Well the little shit can stay there for all I care. I'm about to make my way upstairs and head to bed when his phone chimes signalling another message. I might be pissed off but I suppose he should get all the sleep he can before his hangover makes itself known in the morning. I'm not that much of a heartless bitch, plus I'd like a night of uninterrupted sleep too, so I take his phone out of his pocket to switch it to silent when I see a few missed calls from someone called Mike and a message from the same person.

  I really enjoyed tonight. Let’s not leave it so long next time. I miss you so much when we're not together. xx

  Whoever Mike is, he obviously has the wrong person. I look to see if there are any more messages from this guy when I see a collection of conversations between my fiancé and this Mike. I re-read the most resent message a few more times before my brain registers its meaning. Mike isn't a guy. He can't possibly be a guy. Not with tits like that anyway. Mike's a made up name for some little slut, a slut who my fiancé seems to have been enjoying the company of. So now we finally know why he hasn't been around anymore. I can feel the bile begin to rise up in the back of my throat. The adrenalin starts to kick in, mixed with anger. My heart is beating so fast, it feels as if it's about to break free from within my rib cage.

  I act on instinct and before I realise what I am doing, the vase from the corner unit is in my hand while the other pulls out the flowers that currently occupy it. I watch as they slowly fall to the floor before me. I don't think twice as I throw the contents of the vase over Josh as he lies peacefully in an alcohol induce state. Time for this bastard to face the music.

  Let's see how he decides to dance.

  "What... Shit. What the fuck." It takes a moment for his gaze to focus on me; his eyes grow wide with fear as he takes in the expression on my face. I stand and watch him, rooted to the spot, unable to move.

  "Where the fuck have you been and I want the goddamn truth Josh. I'd think very fucking clearly before you answer." I warn. "I've had it up to here," I raise my hand to my head and continue "with your bullshit lies."

  "What the hell are you going on about?"

  "C'mon Josh." I laugh. My heart is splintering on the inside but I actually stand here and laugh right in his face. I guess this is what hysteria does to you. "I’ve just had a little chat with Mike." I throw it out there to gage his reaction.

  "Mike?" He throws himself up on the couch at such speed, if I had of blinked I’m pretty sure that I would have missed it. His face has utter shock plastered all over it. That right there, that look, that reaction; that's all the confirmation I need. What a cheating prick, how the hell have I not noticed this sooner?

  "Yeah, I thought you'd say that. Pack your shit and get the fuck out of my house." Screaming at the top of my lungs, my voice breaks and I don't think I can hold back the tears much longer. "NOW!"

  Josh just sits there, elbows propped on his knees with his hands in his hair. Repeating "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Over and over but I don't want to hear it, don't want to hear him and what is coming out of that mouthful of lies. Why is he even still sitting here? I don't want to look at him let alone have him in the house. I just need him gone. Out of my life and out of my mind. "Jess, just let me explain." He pleads.

  "Just go Josh. I really don't want you here right now. I need you to leave. If you know what's good for you, you'll go." I calmly say, surprising myself. Calm is the last thing I am feeling right now. No wonder it felt like we were growing apart. We were apart alright. So far apart that he's been getting closer to something else entirely. He's been shagging someone else, actually shagging someone else and then getting into our bed as if everything is ok. I don't think I have hated someone as much as I hate this man sat I front of me right now. Granted the sex has been off the cards for a while but I just put that down to our busy schedules, not that he's been too busy to find time to stick it in some little slag. The thing that is scaring me most is how long this would have carried on had I not picked up his phone tonight. Would it have still carried on when we finally got married, or would I have found out from a knock at the door with his pregnant little hussy? Or maybe sixteen years down the line when his little love child decided to find their daddy? I finally give in and allow the hot salty tears to fall down my face, leaving a hot trail in their wake. It's pointless; I can't keep them in no matter how much I try anyway. I don't move from where I stand as Josh gets up and looks at me.

  "Jess
, I'm sorry. Will you just look at me?" His tone is pleading, but all I feel is numb.

  "Just go, Josh. I'll sort your stuff out; I'll let you know once I've packed your shit. Whatever you do, just make sure you don't come back here. You have thrown away our life together so you have no right to anything that was ours in this house. That is something that you have broken and you alone."

  I slowly try to open my eyes, but struggle as my head hurts so bad. I close them again and try to open them once more, still painful but not as much. Ugh. What the hell happened to me? How did I get to bed? Josh must have carried me... Josh. I close my eyes again as it all comes flooding back. The meal, the argument, the texts. The cheating son of a bitch. Turning over onto my side, as slowly as possible, I am greeted by my best friend. It's no surprise that I wake up to find her lying next to me in my bed snoring away. The last thing I remember after downing my second bottle of wine is leaving Jen a hysterical voicemail. I instantly feel bad; she must have been going out of her mind when she received my message. A booming pain throbs in my head as I try and turn over again without disturbing her. It's no use, her eyes open with such force, and I can't help but flinch a little.

  "I'm going to have that bastards balls and I'll squeeze them off with my own pissing hands. Why you let him leave before I got here I'll never know. Mark my words Jess; he will pay for what he's done to you." In this moment I don't doubt it for a second. Jen could be a right mean bitch when the time has called for it. Fortunately I have never been on the wrong side of her, and I also have no balls, so I'm pretty safe for now.

  "Jen, I love you, really I do and I'm thoroughly grateful that your here, but please don't talk. My head hurts way too much." Last night comes crashing back into my mind again, repeating like a horror movie in my mind. The bile begins to burn my throat as I feel it making its way up. I take a few deep breaths to try and keep it at bay. Why couldn't it have just been a dream? Oh my god. I'm a failure. I'm just like my mum. A useless, emotionless wench who nobody will love. Dear god she would be so fucking proud of me. Maybe I should give her a call just to say, "Hey mum, you know when you told me I was a waste of space and no one would ever stay around long enough because I'm poison? Well here's a massive high five to you, because what do you know? You were right all along." The tears escape me, leaving hot trails of salty wetness in their wake and I allow them to fall.